Our Endless Waltz
by Phantasmik
Summary: I try my hardest to will up that image of Sora and his carols, Sora and his Christmas tree and I can see the image so clearly. I'll be home for Christmas, love, if only in my dreams. Slight Riku x Sora, death fic


Our Endless Waltz

Hiza-chan

Dislaimer: Don't own Kingdom Hearts.

Summary: I try my hardest to will up that image of Sora and his carols, Sora and his Christmas tree and I can see the image so clearly. And he's smiling at me and asking for one more dance, please, before we go to bed. And I do just that, and we dance, we dance our endless waltz

O

O

O

Darkness. It gets depressing really. Everywhere I look, it's all I see. Yes, there are some shades of dark gray scattered here and there, but that was it, everything else was dark.

It was funny really, here it was, the happiest and brightest time of year and I was surrounded by darkness.

It's Christmas time.

Now, I suppose your going to ask me how on earth I know that, correct? Well, for one, I just get the feeling that it is. A feeling buried in the very depths of my heart persay. Afterall, when someone is best friends with someone like Sora it's hard to NOT have some odd Christmas radar.

Another reason is quite simple. Mickey told me. I don't know how he knows, nor will I ever ask, its odd enough that a four foot tall mouse is the king of some world out there. But, I believe him.

Christmas has always been something of an extravagant holiday on Destiny Island. So friends have always surrounded me on Christmas. Not family of course, never family. I would spend Christmas with Sora and his mother. Sora was psychotic when Christmas time rolled around. He would howl out the words to Christmas songs at the top of his lungs while running around the house stringing lights and garland everywhere, then he would pull me off the sofa and lead me in an awkward dance around his house, all the while his mother laughing at her son's antics.

He would always have that bright smile of his lighting the room brighter than any Christmas lights could. And I would always watch him, and laugh at him, join in on his outrageous singing. Maybe even grab him and twirl him around the house in a "Proper" dance.

Christmas was always a time for him and me, not Kairi, or Tidus, or Wakka or any of the other residents of the island. Just us.

It hurt to know that I wouldn't be there with him this Christmas. Instead I would be stuck in this horrible place, with only the shadows to comfort me, to whisper in my ears, to ghost their icy hands over my arms, lips and thighs.

It's funny really, how children are always so terrified of the shadows dancing across their walls late at night, how they run into their parents room and hide under the covers from the darkness' frightening dance, as if their parents had some protection against the frigid creatures of the night. I'd never been one to be afraid of the shadows. And I find it immensely ironic that the child who never feared the dark is now the man who fears it.

And I get to spend Christmas in every child's Nightmare land. Yippee.

I almost expect them to ghost past you know, the children running from their dream monsters only to waken just as the monster catches them.

I'm not a child, so I can't wake up when my monster glares down at me with cold yellow eyes. It doesn't really matter anymore afterall.

It's very… different shall we say, to be able to feel something grab hold of your heart. At first its surprising, after all, how often is it that someone or something touches your heart?

Then it's painful, it's probably the most excruciating pain that anyone will have the misfortune to feel in all their life. The agony rips through your body, ripping apart sinew and muscle and cartilage and your blood freezes inside your veins and shatters into broken fragments.

No, being the victim of a Heartless is never pretty, and I assure you that it hurts like hell.

And there's no dramatic finale. No dramatic suicide for me, the hero's best friend, the hero's traitor.

I don't run a piece of glass across my wrists and wait for a happier life in whatever death holds for me, I don't die saving the hero and his princess in some noble sacrifice. I don't die dreaming of a better place, because I don't deserve that better place. I don't deserve my dream fantasy, where Sora and me are still dancing to Christmas carols. Where instead of friends, we're lovers.

I don't deserve my fantasy, so I don't hope for it. I just try my best to not feel the pain, to make every corner of my body numb.

I wonder if there's any blood involved in my death. Will I just disappear when this Heartless finally manages to wrench my heart from my body or will my body remain in Kingdom Hearts forever, rotting away until I'm a pile of blood and fragments of hair? Will Sora find me here like that? All decayed and rotting all over the place? Is he even looking for me? Do I even deserve that privilege?

I try my hardest to will up that image of Sora and his carols, Sora and his Christmas tree and I can see the image so clearly. And he's smiling at me and asking for one more dance, please, before we go to bed. And I do just that, and we dance, we dance our endless waltz.

_I'll be home for Christmas, love, if only in my dreams…_

O

O

O

A/N: Eh. Riku's an emo dead boy now. Brilliant. Angsty death fics are beginning to bore me, plus, it seems to be all I'm writing recently. And I'm not quite as inspired to write much anymore besides for random one shots. So don't expect my chapter fics to update for awhile.

I may get a slightly happier Christmas fic out if I don't die of boredom over Christmas break and manage to find a computer and magically will up some inspiration. Yay. Umm. Yeah.

Merry Christmas one and all, forgive me for the angst.


End file.
